Folks, I'm sorry to disappoint but I just don't know if this whole belly dancing thing is going to work. My first class was yesterday and let me tell you — it wasn't pretty. Not only did it re-confirm my fear that I will never be able to move my hips like a true Latin girl should, but it introduced even more self esteem issues with the illusive Shimmy maneuver. The teacher had us think of our pelvis region as a "salad bowl" — which may have been the first problem since I really hate salad. Then she showed us a series of moves using our hips and butt that I could fake but seriously — since when has faking it ever felt as satisfying as the real thing? Then at the end of the class when I was feeling defeated but hopeful she told us to Shimmy. Simply place our feet down, let the earth's energy move our butt, and just... you know... shake it.
UGHHHHHHHHH. I just couldn't do it. The aneroxic cokehead doctor shouldn't have told me I need to gain weight to model in France, she should have just told me to gain weight so I COULD FREAKING SHIMMY. That would have done it.
Then the teacher showed us an "easier" version of the Shimmy. And by easy she just meant, here's another way I can show you how everyone can do something you can't.
It's too much. I can take my awkward hip movements, I can take looking like a freak show who desperately wants to be a sexy belly dancer but looks like she's having a seizure, I can take staring at other women's jiggling bodies and actually longing to have their large asses, but I CAN'T TAKE NOT BEING ABLE TO SHIMMY.
I quit. I'm sorry. Maybe I'll have more luck with pole dancing.
No comments:
Post a Comment