I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that to me

Here are some gems the BF has said this week. You know, just in case the cab driver had inflated my ego too much.

Incident 1 

I ate chocolate and then put on flavored chapstick just as he was coming home. He walked over and kissed me, then looked simultaneously disgusted yet concerned.

 "Um, babe ... are you ok?"

"Yeah why?"

"Did you just throw up?"

Eek. Apparently Katy Perry was wrong about the whole cherry chapstick thing. (Little known fact: I know the ex-girlfriend of the guy who wrote that song, and  he based it on her. It was actually raspberry chapstick, but that was too many syllables. But, I digress).

Incident 2

I'm running out of Focus Dailies so I've been conserving my contacts for special occasions, i.e. whenever I'm seen in public. Because of this, the BF has mainly been seeing me with my glasses on. I put in my contacts and walk downstairs where the BF was watching TV. He lovingly cupped my face in his hands, stared deep into my eyes and said:

"We really should get you lasik."

Oh, wait. It gets better.

Incident 2.5

The BF heads upstairs as I'm done getting dressed and putting my makeup on. He looks at me with a stunned expression.

"What?" I say insecurely and pat my hair down to make sure it's not sticking up. 

"Is there something on my face?"

"No, it's just ... you look so, pretty."

Now this was not said in a compliment-like way it was said more like:

"You look... so... pretty?!?"

In total confusion, as if the word got away from him somehow before he could comprehend it. When he did realize how it came out, he aimed for a quick recovery with this winner:

"I mean of course you are pretty but I had just ... forgotten!"

Nice. 

Incident 3

I return from a satisfying Vietnamese dinner for my friend's birthday and crawl into bed, getting ready to doze off. The BF rolls over to cuddle up and just as I'm falling asleep he rubs my belly and suddenly says:

"Oh yeah! How was dinner?" He then squeezes my stomach. 

"I'm guessing good."

Guess I'm not the only one in this relationship with foot in mouth disease.