These sweatpants are all that fits me right now

I'm sorry I haven't written in forever. I spent Christmas in Paraguay with my entire family and it was amazing. P.S. Business class is the only way to travel. On the way home they tried to downgrade me to coach after I checked in too late, I through a fit (in true latin diva fashion — J. Lo would have been proud) and they put me on a flight direct home in business class... and then the special chair shattered my cell phone. Karma's a bitch.

Traveling wasn't so fun for the BF who was meeting the entire clan for the first time — due to a series of delays it took him 50 hours to get down to Py, and after spending two nights at various airports he was greeted with about sixty family members, all excitedly greeting him in Spanish (which he doesn't speak). Within an hour of arriving at my aunt's house he was forced to join everyone in a large circle where everyone took turns telling the person next to them how much they meant to that person and why — out loud to the entire family. He was also asked to start off a night of karaoke with a solo rendition of New York, New York. And by asked I mean my very overprotective cousins and uncles handed him a microphone and demanded "sing, child" in the voice of Ursula from The Little Mermaid. Ok not really, but I love that movie. Just so everyone knows, he passed all tests thrown at him with flying colors and was told he is now one of "los perros."

Anyways... my first day in Asuncion I went to the mall, or rather "to the shopping" as everyone down there says. Making the verb a noun — my kind of people. As we were walking in my cousin graciously noted that I am "more big boned than her" and I, a little surprised, tried not to think anything of it since she is microscopic and walked into an Argentinian based fashion shop.  I looked at a pair of jeans and asked a salesperson if I could have them in a size 25. She looked at me and apologetically said, "No tenemos esa talle aca." Translation : we don't have that size here. I looked down at the jeans I was holding and saw they were a size 22 — which doesn't even exist in the states. I looked at her and asked imploringly, "Y un 24?" She told me that they SOMETIMES carry those but they were all out since that was so rare, she threw a lot of "lo sientos" in there and and gave me pitying looks as I took my big bones and slinked out of the store.

Now, as far as I know, Latin people can be very thin, but not practically invisible. So how they didn't carry anything bigger than a 22 is beyond me. All I know is I had a serious flashback to The Greatest Movie of All Time, and thought about one positive thing that came from the experience — I'm one step closer to becoming Regina George. And I didn't even have to eat any Calteen bars to get there.