Stay Saber

Today is not my day. First of all, I woke up this morning and realized I sent an email yesterday (while I was at happy hour) to a coworker and although my drunken self might have thought it made perfect sense, in reality this is definitely not the case. Actually, I'm fairly positive that last sentence doesn't make sense either. Apologies for my lack of a functioning brain right now. Anyways, I decided that even though I have homework assignments from last week and the week before due today, I REALLY needed to go to Ricky's and get garter belt gun holsters for my Lara Croft costume.

So I go outside and am immediately offended by the bright light shining in my eyes. 'Why the hell is it so bright outside?' I wonder to myself. Yes, I know being hungover makes us a little more sensitive to light but I was actually stunned by my surroundings. And then it hit me — daytime. I had not been outside in the daylight since Sunday. Sunday. I'm not kidding. I realized I had only left my apartment twice this week, once to grocery shop and once to drink, and both times at night. I had been inside so long I didn't understand the concept of the sunlight?

As I laugh at myself I walk by a newsstand and read the headline "'I would make a bad President' Obama says in huge campaign blunder." I am instantly shocked, worried and dismayed simultaneously. 'Why would he say that?' I think to myself. 'Wasn't his 30 minute infomercial taped? Why didn't they edit it out? This is so... bad!' 

I am so upset by this that it takes me a little while before I realize I am reading the headline of The Onion. Wow, yes I know — I even surprise myself sometimes.

So I again, laughed at myself, went to Ricky's and bought my garter belt gun holsters. Left proudly thinking that I saved money by not purchasing the $79.99 Lara Croft costume nor the $69.99 sexy mental patient costume. A little bummed I didn't think of a witty outfit but nonetheless, proud.

I get home, only to have a flashback of talking to my friend last night who had the brilliant idea for my costume this year — a pink slip. I could wear a pink slip and obviously... be a pink slip. It was the PERFECT idea! And of course, I had forgotten all about it. Great.

In conclusion, I leave you with this picture of the message I apparently wrote to myself last night on the fridge:

Wise words, my friends. Wise words.