How Hot Is That Doggie In The Window?

I've been on a 'I want a furry puppy NOW' (said in the voice of Violet from Willy Wonka) kick for a while now, and the BF doesn't think it's the best idea ever. Whether it's because I'm insisting its 5lbs or less and want something with the word "poo" attached to it, or because I'm apparently "not even responsible enough to take care of myself let alone another living being" is unclear, but he has his reasons. Yesterday, I passed by a pet store and saw these two adorable puppies I've posted above. As I was holding one in my arms, I thought to myself 'this little guy better not freaking pee on my coat,' and I paused and thought to myself 'Maybe, I'm really not ready for a puppy.'

But then I realized, if I loved my dog enough I wouldn't care if it peed on me. And in order to love my dog, it needed to be super freaking cute because, let's face it, I'm that superficial. The truth is, I'm like that with people for the most part too. And before you go all 'OMG I can't BELIEVE you would say that,' on me just shut it. I've heard it all before. I was even once broken up with by an ex at a formal dinner merely because I mentioned a girl was "unfortunate" looking. I'm not kidding, it wasn't pretty — but that's a story for another rainy day.

We all would rather be speaking to gorgeous people than ugly ones. And if you wouldn't then good for you. But let me just tell you, there is reverse discrimination as well. You know, those people that judge you for being good-looking and automatically assume you are either dumb or boring, or both. I think the best compliment I've ever received was a friend telling me "you're like a really nerdy person trapped in a hot girl's body." That was nice.

But, enough narcissism, back to puppies. See, my dog has to stay looking like a puppy always because a) I was petrified of dogs until I was 14 and still get nervous around larger animals and b) because puppies are cuter than dogs. And with people, what they are lacking for in looks they can make up for with a "good personality". Slap some humor or intelligence on that sucker and call it a day. Often enough, those people are much more interesting to talk to than a sexy bimbo. But a puppy can't tell me a really good joke and make me laugh until I cry and forget all about how ugly it is. So, while most people say the reason not to get a puppy from an animal shelter is so you can see it's breeding papers and make sure it wont get sick, I don't want to get one because it might not stay cute.

The puppy also can't be one of those friends that acts too needy and doesn't understand the concept of playing hard to get (which is why I'm often attracted to cats). It can't be cooler than me and take away all my need for constant amounts of attention. It has to be just right.

Which led me to worry — how am I going to be when I have kids? I mean, not that I would ever want to genetically design my children and pick out their eye color — although blue eyes and brown hair are so attractive — but they better be freaking beautiful or we are going to have a problem. I know the saying is "only a face a mother could love" but I don't know if I have it in me to be that kind of mother. What if I don't realize my baby is ugly? Or worse — what if I do? Terrifying. Good things I have many, many years to deal with my horribleness before I have to worry about that.

By the way, I'm probably going to hell. I realize that. Please don't get upset with me. All I want is a friendly, loveable, really ridiculously good looking dog who keeps me company. Because if I'm going to be picking up his crap — he better have the best damn bedroom eyes I've ever seen.